Happy is the New Blog

How to Cultivate Compassion in Your Life

2009-03-04T15:42:00.000-08:00

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~ Dalai Lama
Why develop compassion in your life? Well, there are scientific studies that suggest there are physical benefits to practicing compassion.[1] But there are other benefits as well, and these are emotional and spiritual. The main benefit is that it helps you to be more happy, and brings others around you to be more happy. If we agree that it is a common aim of each of us to strive to be happy, then compassion is one of the main tools for achieving that happiness. It is therefore of utmost importance that we cultivate compassion in our lives and practice compassion every day.
How do we do that? This guide contains 7 different practices that you can try out and perhaps incorporate into your every day life.

Steps

Develop a morning ritual. Greet each morning with a ritual. Try this one, suggested by the Dalai Lama: “Today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.” Then, when you’ve done this, try one of the practices below.
Practice empathy. The first step in cultivating compassion is to develop empathy for your fellow human beings. Many of us believe that we have empathy, and on some level nearly all of us do. But many times we are centered on ourselves and we let our sense of empathy get rusty. Try this practice: Imagine that a loved one is suffering. Something terrible has happened to him or her. Now try to imagine the pain they are going through. Imagine the suffering in as much detail as possible. After doing this practice for a couple of weeks, you should try moving on to imagining the suffering of others you know, not just those who are close to you.
- To keep empathy from turning into sympathy, keep your focus on the other person, rather than allowing your empathy to shift your focus to your own experience and memory of suffering.[2]
Practice commonalities. Instead of recognizing the differences between yourself and others, try to recognize what you have in common. At the root of it all, we are all human beings. We need food, and shelter, and love. We crave attention, and recognition, and affection, and above all, happiness. Reflect on these commonalities you have with every other human being, and ignore the differences. One favorite exercise comes from a great article from Ode Magazine — it’s a five-step exercise to try when you meet friends and strangers. Do it discreetly and try to do all the steps with the same person. With your attention geared to the other person, tell yourself:[3]
1. Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”
2. Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
3. Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
4. Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
5. Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”
Practice relief of suffering. Once you can empathize with another person, and understand his humanity and suffering, the next step is to want that person to be free from suffering. This is the heart of compassion — actually the definition of it. Try this exercise: Imagine the suffering of a human being you’ve met recently. Now imagine that you are the one going through that suffering. Reflect on how much you would like that suffering to end. Reflect on how happy you would be if another human being desired your suffering to end, and acted upon it. Open your heart to that human being and if you feel even a little that you’d want their suffering to end, reflect on that feeling. That’s the feeling that you want to develop. With constant practice, that feeling can be grown and nurtured.
- A study suggests that the more you meditate on compassion, the more your brain reorganizes itself to feel empathy towards others.[4]
Practice the act of kindness. Now that you’ve gotten good at the fourth practice, take the exercise a step further. Imagine again the suffering of someone you know or met recently. Imagine again that you are that person, and are going through that suffering. Now imagine that another human being would like your suffering to end — perhaps your mother or another loved one. What would you like for that person to do to end your suffering? Now reverse roles: you are the person who desires for the other person’s suffering to end. Imagine that you do something to help ease the suffering, or end it completely. Once you get good at this stage, practice doing something small each day to help end the suffering of others, even in a tiny way. Even a smile, or a kind word, or doing an errand or chore, or just talking about a problem with another person. Practice doing something kind to help ease the suffering of others. When you are good at this, find a way to make it a daily practice, and eventually a throughout-the-day practice.
Move beyond to practice compassion for those who mistreat us. The final stage in these compassion practices is to not only want to ease the suffering of those we love and meet, but even those who mistreat us. When we encounter someone who mistreats us, instead of acting in anger, withdraw. Later, when you are calm and more detached, reflect on that person who mistreated you. Try to imagine the background of that person. Try to imagine what that person was taught as a child. Try to imagine the day or week that person was going through, and what kind of bad things had happened to that person. Try to imagine the mood and state of mind that person was in — the suffering that person must have been going through to mistreat you that way. And understand that their action was not about you, but about what they were going through. Now think some more about the suffering of that poor person, and see if you can imagine trying to stop the suffering of that person. And then reflect that if you mistreated someone, and they acted with kindness and compassion toward you, whether that would make you less likely to mistreat that person the next time, and more likely to be kind to that person. Once you have mastered this practice of reflection, try acting with compassion and understanding the next time a person treats you. Do it in little doses, until you are good at it. Practice makes perfect.
- It will take time to manage your emotions to the extent that you can practice full compassion, but the following techniques will help; in addition, people who practiced them in a study produced 100 percent more DHEA, which is a hormone that counteracts the aging process, and 23 percent less cortisol — the “stress hormone.”[5]
  - Cut-through: Observe your feelings, focusing on your heart. Pretend you're someone outside of the situation, giving yourself advice like "Relax, it's no big deal." Imagine your negative feelings getting absorbed and diffused by your heart. This will help you transform rather than repress your negative feelings.[6]
  - Heart lock-in: Quiet your mind and focus your attention on your heart. Tap into feelings that you have towards someone or something you love easily, and try to stay with that feeling for ten or fifteen minutes. Then imagine sending those feelings to yourself and others.[7]
- You may also want to read How to Forgive.
Develop an evening routine. It is highly recommended that you take a few minutes before you go to bed to reflect upon your day. Think about the people you met and talked to, and how you treated each other. Think about your goal that you stated this morning, to act with compassion towards others. How well did you do? What could you do better? What did you learn from your experiences today? And if you have time, try one of the above practices and exercises.

Tips

These compassionate practices can be done anywhere, any time. At work, at home, on the road, while traveling, while at a store, while at the home of a friend or family member. By sandwiching your day with a morning and evening ritual, you can frame your day properly, in an attitude of trying to practice compassion and develop it within yourself. And with practice, you can begin to do it throughout the day, and throughout your lifetime. This, above all, will bring happiness to your life and to those around you.

Things You'll Need

Ritual
Routine
Healthy diet
Positive thinking

Related wikiHows

Sources and Citations

Original source of article, Zen Habits, A Guide to Cultivating Compassion in Your Life with 7 Practices. Shared with appreciation under an uncopyright licence.

↑ http://esciencenews.com/articles/2008/10/07/compassion.meditation.may.improve.physical.and.emotional.responses.psychological.stress

↑ http://bexhuff.com/2008/05/empathy-vs-sympathy

↑ http://www.odemagazine.com/doc/44/love_thy_neighbour_for_he_is_me/

↑ http://www.forbes.com/feeds/hscout/2008/03/27/hscout613899.html

↑ http://www.heartmath.org/research/science-of-the-heart-emotional-balance.html

↑ http://www.pbs.org/bodyandsoul/203/heartmath.htm

↑ http://www.pbs.org/bodyandsoul/203/heartmath.htm

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Act Natural Like You Don't Care

2008-12-29T20:15:00.000-08:00

Has it really been a few months since my last blog? Well, time flies and life re-prioritizes itself for you when you're a new dad.

I was moved to dust off my shelved happy blog for a truly happy event. My son drank an entire bottle of formula for the first time, after 4 months of consuming the real (and probably better tasting) thing. We had a false start last night when he balked at the thought of even tasting his introduction to processed foods. The stars must have been aligned properly tonight for his second attempt, and his dad (me) tried everything to make it happen this time, including: feeding him while still in a good mood, asking his mom to kindly sneak upstairs to hide the real meal (this worked eventually to transition him to his bottle feeding), entertaining him with his new favorite and plush Goofy toy, and, most importantly, playing a Steely Dan album on Dad's iPod.

This was a sales job, and I was determined to close the sale this time. There was a smile on my face, I shook Goofy with conviction, and I took the advice of Donald Fagen in "Chain Lightning" when he proclaimed: "Act natural like you don't care."

The funny thing is that I care a lot, and am happy to be a dad. Finn has been impressing us and making us smile since he was born four months ago. This event is just another feather in his cap as far as he is concerned.

To find out more about what Finn is up to (mostly from his point of view) see his blog here: http://www.finnrocks.blogspot.com/

Sunrise

2008-06-24T07:08:00.000-07:00

This morning brought a sunrise worthy of taking a photo. My bedroom was filled with a pink-orange light. Maybe the distant wild fires are causing the haze to filter the sun? Check it out:

Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon - Accenture 2008

2008-06-11T20:57:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't been in high gear yet this year to train for a triathlon, but wanted to go watch part of one in person this weekend. So my wife and I drove across the bridge to be inspired at this year's Accenture Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon in San Francisco.

I took a few video clips using our digital camera and edited a short piece together. Too bad we couldn't see (or find) the swim transition area, but it's a good sign that there were so many people there to support the athletes. We were able to see the top finishers come in from the end of the bike leg, and near the finish line from the run leg. It was amazing to see the transitions-- it literally took some of the pros about 20 seconds to transition off of the bike.

Here are the top finishers:

Men's Pro Results
1 Andy Potts 2:01:57
2 Graham O'Grady 2:02:32
3 Craig Alexander 2:02:53
4 David Thompson 2:03:04
5 Matt Chrabot 2:03:25

Women's Pro Results
1 Leanda Cave 2:15:37
2 Becky Lavelle 2:15:52
3 Miranda Carfrae 2:16:47
4 Rebeccah Wassner 2:20:17
5 Samantha McGlone 2:20:58

New Video Intro to HappyIsTheNewBlog.com

2008-05-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

What do you think?

Hope everyone out there had a good Memorial Day weekend. Mine was fun-- a good friend visited from Philly, and I saw the new Indiana Jones movie!

Tasty Summer Salad

2008-05-17T19:45:00.001-07:00

This one's a keeper. It's a simple, cheap, and tasty summer salad. We had it tonight with mac & cheese, but it could be a great companion to a backyard bbq, potluck, or quick dish to make at home:

Tasty Summer Salad

one can of black beans, drained

one can of corn, drained

one tomato (Roma in this case), chopped

half of one red onion, finely chopped

one healthy bunch of cilantro, chopped

olive oil

a splash of red wine vinegar

a dash of sugar

salt

pepper

It's easy to make. Just chop the ingredients and mix everything together in a bowl.

Enjoy and be happy!

Redwood Regional Park Hike

2008-05-11T21:53:00.001-07:00

Explored more of the roads and hiking trails in the RRP near our house. Saw a banana slug, took a short video of a serene brook, and found a great, low-traffic, trail that took me to the top of a cool, shaded ridge.

At the top of the ridge was a bench, complete with placard that read: "Always enjoy the view. In memoriam: Victor Egert (1911 - 2005) and Ruth Egert (1911 - 2005)" The view from the bench is spectacular, of course, and overlooks a wooded valley and a couple of quiet, winding two lane highways.

Running in the backyard Redwoods

2008-05-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

It's a good feeling to have the Redwood Regional Park so close to home. A neighbor and some relatives suggested that I check out the running/hiking/biking trails near us, and my regular after-work run was spent in the serene landscape near the Skyline Gate area. It's a good way to ramp up any exercise routine for the summer.

Housewarming BBQ a Success

2008-04-27T14:01:00.000-07:00

Wow. It has been over a month since my last post. Time flies when starting a new job. Our housewarming bbq was a success yesterday. The house does feel more like a home with people sharing it, having a good time, and filling it with good energy.

Fun to kick off the California neighborhood bbq season too.

New Job, Lost, and Goonies

2008-03-19T20:43:00.000-07:00

Great news-- I received a job offer yesterday after almost 2 months of looking. The last two months has been good in some ways because I've had quite a bit of free time, aside from doing a big job search.

Somehow I managed to get completely caught up with all 4 seasons of Lost. Now I'm in that strange and wonderful place in between receiving a job offer and showing up for the first day. In the past I've taken advantage of that time to watch the majority of World Cup Soccer games, go for extra long bike rides, catch movies, and just Relax. Today I embarked on my first day of Job Offer Vacation by watching a Goonies dvd (complete with outtakes, commentary, and other special features) that my wife gave me recently.

Back to reality soon...

Ron Burgundy jazz flute solo - for a smile, guaranteed

2008-03-11T16:29:00.000-07:00

Update to Pixar Gate Project

2008-03-01T11:59:00.001-08:00

Work in progress:

Original reference photo:

Creating a Virtual Pixar Gate to Open the Real Pixar Gate

2008-02-26T14:56:00.000-08:00

Many of you know that I like experimenting with 2D and 3D animation. I've spent the last few years building my skills and working on small projects here and there. This time my focus is to work on a bigger project that involves an animated scene at the gates of Pixar Animation Studios in Emeryville, CA. My hope is that this will be a project with a steeper learning curve and one that gets me closer to becoming employed, professionally, with a post-production house, studio, or otherwise involved with a creative project.

Music for Morons is a Refined Sound Artistry

2008-02-20T21:01:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine started podcasting a while back and I've tuned in from time to time. He seems to have reached a new level of refined sound artistry with the latest edition, 19: Kansas City Attack part 2 (N-Z). I've long been a fan of expertly crafted soundscapes and designs, and this one blows me away. Way to go, Aaron!

What jumped out at me the most this time around was the thematic thread that binds this aural landscape, and Aaron's thoughtful, careful additions from his sound palette.

Give his podcasts a listen sometime:

Music for Morons

How to Create a Composite Image With Photoshop

2008-02-19T09:08:00.000-08:00

Photoshop and I are friends. The creative possibilities seem endless, and it always fascinates me to come up with a new scene by assembling and manipulating bits and pieces of existing photos. Here's a short tutorial. Keep in mind that there is more than one way to accomplish this scene, and the sky is the limit for your own creativity with this exercise. Maybe it will give you some ideas for your own creative projects.

How to Create a Composite Image With Photoshop:

Start with a photo.

Make a copy of the original layer.

Separate the foreground objects from the back ground. To do this, I'll use the levels control on a color channel: on the layers palette, click the 'channels' tab. You'll see four layers in the 'channels' tab if you're working in RGB color mode. Click on each channel to see which one give the most contrast between the background and foreground elements. In this case, it's the blue channel. Click and drag the blue channel down to the bottom of the layers palette to 'create new channel.'

Now we need to bring up the 'Levels' control. Use command-L on a Mac. Work with the 3 sliders on the histogram until you have as close to a black and white image as possible. Click OK.

Now 'load channel as selection' by clicking and dragging the modified blue channel copy down to the bottom of the layers palette. You should see a selection (dancing ants) between all of the white and black areas on the screen.

Now click on the RGB layer in the 'channels' tab to make the three original color channels visible. The blue channel layer copy that you made should not be visible anymore. Click back on the 'Layers' tab in the layers palette, and your selection will be made on the copy of the background layer that you made.

With your selection still active, go to the 'Layer' menu, and choose 'New,' then 'Layer via cut.' You should see the background separated in a new layer from the foreground objects. Deselect the background layer and you should see this:

Now it's time to have fun with the photo. I'm going to add a new background scene.

Maybe I'll add some neon to the sign

Now I'll desaturate the background and original foreground objects, darken the sky behind, add a couple of street light effects, and blur the edges of the foreground objects to blend into the scene better.

Compare with the original photo:

I've learned how to use Adobe Photoshop over the last few years through many ways; participating in online forums, watching tutorials, seeing live demonstrations by professionals, reading books, and just experimenting for hours. If you have some moderately advanced skills in Photoshop, and would like to learn a bunch of cool tricks to save you some time, check out this book by Steve Caplin:

How to Cheat in Photoshop: The art of creating photorealistic montages
(this book showed me how to create the neon sign in this tutorial)

More Fun With Photoshop - Curious Jesse

2008-02-15T21:21:00.001-08:00

Great Valentine's Day Meal For Two (or more)

2008-02-14T20:50:00.000-08:00

My Valentine and I had a delicious meal tonight, courtesy of my Google search query that brought up some menu options found on FoodNetwork.com:

Risotto with Wild Mushrooms and Scallops (our version was sans scallops)
Saltimbocca of Zucchini
Individual Strawberry Trifles

I partook in a nice chilled Pinot Grigio whilst cooking. Me'lady declined and preferred apple juice in a wine glass due to the baby on board.

Great food and a mellow Valentine's date at home, with some Madeleine Peyroux for the ears.

ACME Music is My New Practice Place

2008-02-13T15:48:00.000-08:00

So we moved to Oakland recently, and I always like to explore each new neighborhood that I move to, including the local music stores as my landmarks. Usually I look around the various local shops and have a conversation with the owner or managers in the way that a cartographer might use a compass.

ACME Music is responsible this time for giving me my bearings. The owner, Jay, has been in the business for a long time and is a die-hard, self-ascribed musician. He has some great stories and works with some talented folks (including a teacher that played with Miles Davis) to provide a place for music lessons.

An important aspect of a local music store, for me, is one that provides affordable, accessible rehearsal space. This one is the best yet. Jay and I talked about using the rehearsal space, complete with piano, during the non-peak times for a bargain price. I'm looking forward to popping in there once in a while to practice the trombone or play some piano.

And I'm working on doing a barter with him; a website for some practice time.

Fun with Photoshop - Sad Turbo

2008-02-11T22:10:00.000-08:00

Joaquin Miller Park in the Oakland Hills

2008-02-10T20:15:00.000-08:00

Wow. We went with some friends today to the Joaquin Miller Park for a picnic and to toss around the frisbee. Beautiful place. I'll have to go back and check out some of the trails soon, as we were only on one side, close to the road. If you're in the SF Bay Area check it out some time: Joaquin Miller Park

Tax Relief

2008-02-09T13:14:00.000-08:00

We 'bit the bullet' and filed our tax paperwork. There's no relief in the sense of a refund (we're paying even more), but damn, it's a relief to be done with last year's return. I've believed Benjamin Franklin's whimsical comment on the certainties of the world to a large extent in the past:

Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. (source)

But I'd like to add that Uncertainty is also certain. The tricky part is how we deal with things both certain and un, right?
Anyway, I shook off the taxes and went for a run today, which was a very happy thing for me. The weather is gorgeous today!

Tasty Burrito and Mr. SuperBowl

2008-02-07T22:23:00.001-08:00

O.k.; first, a nod to the tasty burrito that found it's way to my plate yesterday. And there were enough leftovers still today to recreate a similar version that just had to be photographed.

Another fun, happy moment: My wife and I went to the grocery store this evening and ended up being helped by a cashier with a sticker on his shirt that read "Mr. SuperBowl." I was curious, so asked him what it meant. He said that he went to the SuperBowl. So I said, "Cool-- unless you're a Patriots fan." He said "You didn't see the sign," and pointed to a plastic novelty parking sign on his checkstand that read 'New York Giants Fan Parking Here.' And then he proceeded to smile and lift both arms to flex his biceps. Hahahaha. Made my day.

Happy is the New Blog

2008-02-06T13:01:00.000-08:00

Howdy Kids,

I'm acknowledging more and more to myself that I'm a happy individual. Today I'm feeling happy enough to share it with you all. The life of this blog may end abruptly, maybe time will speed up and I'll re-prioritize the 10 minutes a day it takes me to blog. Who knows? Anyway, thought I'd liven things up a bit by sharing some good stuff as often as I can.

There are many many reasons for my über-joyousness. Two in particular are worth throwing out there today:

I'm an expectant father and just got the first 'photos' of my kid yesterday. They're still making me smile right now, and it's difficult for me to know how happy I'll be when the kid is born.
Just had a really good burrito that I made, MacGyver style, from the leftovers in our kitchen:

garlic herb wrap
leftover turkey (from our neighbor's Super Bowl party)
sweet jalapeño jelly
shredded cheddar cheese
roasted veggies (potatoes, peppers, onions)
diced green onions
chopped cilantro
spinach

Man, it was tasty. Anyhoo, hope you're happy today too.